***TO CLARIFY*** Most of this article deals with mental health and an unresolved health issue that had unknowingly plagued me and affected my state of mine and actions as the issue was serious and affecting parts of my everyday life. In way is this article to incriminate or put anyone down. These are after feelings of reflection and a long battle of mental and health issues. Life happens and learning is a part of life.
Today’s article will be about some more personal experiences I have endured. It will touch base on some gaming. As you all know I am passionate and am a believer on play and enjoy your games how you want. Personally while being online and making friends naturally I want to help create a great community of gaming friends and what not. I have tried, I’m not perfect, I have failed, I got back up, I’ve been shunned away, I’ve been back stabbed and forgotten. It’s a cruel world out there sometimes. Of course not everyone I’ve been with in a group has turned out bad. You just need to make sure you realize the toxic before it consumes you. Due to the personal and sensitive nature of this topic names and group names will be left out of it. I hold no ill-will or any issues with any group founders or members, I have simply moved on.
I have been and seen so many changes to YouTube and the social aspect of an online gaming community. Sadly more recent memories have me looking back thankful that I am now out of the toxic grounds. Though unfortunately mentally it took a lot out of me. I’ve always been one to help build a good decent community full of support and help. I have and couldn’t count off hand how many folks I have endorsed, supported, helped out, confided in, All to be for nothing. It’s draining and in a lot of ways a waste of energy. I just like to think out there that sometime I’ll make a difference and won’t be forgotten in all this mess.
Now of course many friends who I have helped, endorsed, etc haven’t forgotten about me, I am very thankful and humbled for those folks. They know who they are and if they are also reading this they have stuck with me. Believe me I am ever so thankful for the friendship. The connections I have made all over the world mean a lot to me also. I still to this day 10 years later keep in touch with my very close Aussie friend who I have adopted as family, My Aunty whom is ever so loved by my family.
You may be asking too why am I bringing up something that’s so negative. I want someone to read this and not go through the same horrible experience me and others did. It really affected me and some others mentally that it hurt some aspects of fun online for us. If you recall my article in an article I wrote Have fun gaming online! I mentioned that playing online with a small group of then friends hurt a lot when things went sour. A lot of this attributes to some toxic things that I hope to someone whom is reading this can learn from my mishaps and misadventures.
I’ll go with more recent memories here. Facebook, Oh how Facebook has become such a negative hole for me. Me and a friend had helped start a gaming group with “friends” due to another group that became horribly toxic and filled with trolls. It was interesting because the group founder used to be a close friend of mine, Sadly I will say he got consumed into the realm of being a star or icon on social media. Again no ill-will it’s all in the past. I should mention too that unknowingly I had some health issues that were plaguing me and affected such things as my mood and chemical imbalances. So anyways the new group was born and was praised for the more support and friendlier grounds. Running a group on FB is a lot of work and there will be times where you can’t please everyone. I feel also that a lot of folks had been criticizing me and my friend based on our personal life schedules and stuff. I mean no offense to anyone either but a lot of the group did think they were some huge stars and demanded so much from everyone. We’ve had and myself personally posting videos just to have them quickly rated down. Now honestly to me doesn’t matter but whats messed up is that these were folks we took as friends and that’s how they treated everyone? Why troll? What benefit do you get from it?
2016 I started to in a way become less active but more helpful? I left the group to run to my friend and other folks. I was now just a regular participant of the group. The toxicity vibes were just getting worse. They were criticizing game choices, what they were playing, The console of choice, Nintendo was often the rise of arguments along with PC preferences, Like there was just so much it was ridiculous. In a way it just really messes with your mind. So there was something Nintendo and right away the first thing you see is a whole bunch of negativity spewing over it. Look it’s fine that someone doesn’t agree or that you may not like something, Though you don’t need to go on some huge high horse scoff on why you are solely right and everyone else and fact is incorrect. I used to get such a rise out of this one member that if you said something PC (personal computer) the comments section was just a battle, Oh my goodness. In the other times too there was just a lack of support and lots of bullying within, Like getting help or something it was like you just asked for like a million dollars or something totally ridiculous. By the time 2017 rolled around I was becoming less and less active.
My 2017 was a strange time for me. Little did I know there was some issues plaguing my health and it wouldn’t be solved until later in 2018. It was a very very tough struggle. I was all but finished with this toxic hole. I started to quietly disappear from a community that I once believed in, That I once helped build, That I once helped support, That I once helped to try and make friends to make a difference. What really bothered me and I grew foul over was that pretty much nobody who took me as a friend at least checked in on my well being. Sadly it seems that it has how society has become a lot these days. That’s why I say if you have those loyal friends hold on to them as much and show them as much appreciation as you can. When you invest a lot of time helping folks just to have them turn your back on you it’s a pretty low feeling. I had personally deactivated my FB but was able to keep my messages afloat. Even my friend whom was helping me run the group had grown tired and sick of the toxic hole it had become.
So 2018 has come and the peak of my health issues were at the top now. Now unfortunately with this I was not in control of a lot of my mood, and other functions that were plaguing me. I wasn’t the same person in some ways sadly and I’m happy to have been able to get the help I needed. Now this toxic group that I hadn’t been apart for a real long time now, So one day I learned that it had upped and banished itself. How would I know this? I was littered with messages and comments and tweets, Threats and anger directed at me. I was shocked, I was floored, I was disgusted. This also happened to my friend too. I wondered why all of a sudden some folks had started to check in on me, Though it was all for their own gain. Yet again disappointed and let down by those you thought had your back. A disgusting movement and so much talking behind our backs it just left me in a state where I was so happy to be rid of everything. Honestly my only guess and logical viewpoint I have as to what happened with the group, It was tied to a very old and buggy FB account of mine. I had deleted the account and then after the 30 days it deleted off the server. It must have taken the group with it? I really don’t know, Nor now care as to why as a huge weight had been taken off of me. The group I had long ago created represented nothing of what a good community of support should have been. Assuming and accusing someone of doing something without factual evidence is quite bold and rather unintelligent. The group had I believe over 400 folks? So with those that said we went in and removed 400 group members and subsequently canceled the group? Yeah I do believe I am sounding quite crazy now. Though honestly nobody was upset for long, As I saw everyone had moved on to a new group that most of the folks acclaimed that they will help to run and make it the best as they can! Well best of luck to them.
Anyways in all after my health issues had been solved I turned back into feeling like myself again. Honestly I felt happy again, The toxic hole was gone also. It was truly a great feeling. All those that had turned their backs on us made me realize and learn something about myself and the community of gaming as a whole. The group and circle me and my friend were apart of was a support built upon fake. So when the fake finally began to expose itself, The foundation crumbled. Now we know when we build a foundation we use real support!
We can’t forget also my friend here who tried and helped make this vision come true. This all consumed him into this dark hole of negativity too. He truly tried his best to make the gaming community a great place. He didn’t and doesn’t deserve the toxic negativity thrown at him. He was always true and helped everyone out. He deserves a lot of love here. Managing a fake support is just very exhausting and such an energy waster. It’s just in a way all for nothing.
So again without sounding like a broken record repeating myself, This article is destined to shine some light on the darker elements of how a gaming community group can draw such a negative dark toxic hole. Also a main focus of this is mental health. I couldn’t exaggerate enough how poorly this affected my mental health, Let alone also how my friend felt also being in the position. Toxic negativity when it consumes you it just eats away at you. You just feel some kind of low. Your stuck in this hole and you want and just claw and try and get it. It’s a very long path back to the light. I’m happy to say though once it’s been all done and personally especially after my health issues cleared, I have climbed myself out of that deep hole. My friend also has found more light in moving away from those aspects on FB. The toxic wants to go where it’s fed the attention, They want to only hear whatever pleases them. I’ll say that no matter in what group your in that the values and common courtesy of respect should play a role. Yes you may not agree or like the whatever it may be, Though showboating and constantly downing the person that their tastes and what they like are morally wrong and claim that is what’s wrong with such and such thing these days, That’s exactly the thing you don’t do in a group. Once that starts in comes and starts the plague of negativity. I just think of it as a tiny and narrow mind, Those folks would have never put themselves in the place of anyone else and think for a minute how they are coming off or acting like such a fool.
Well then, Long article today and it feels good to get some of this off my chest. I really hope that this finds some light and maybe some other folks will reflect and see that they weren’t alone, Even if they are drawn into a group and stuck in that toxic negative void. This post right here is your help. I again mean no ill-will toward anyone what is done is done. The cares around are non existent, They will breathe in their own toxic arrogance foul smell. I wish them all the best, They had a good support going for them. Thank you all for bearing with me and hearing me out it truly feels good.
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